Just living

Things I learned in trying to live someone else’s life.

Hey guys. It’s been a while. As we speak, I am on the 50th page of  Outlanders, and I still have a lot more to go. I haven’t written for long, hence why the few pages.

Earlier, I decided to go back to school and try to get my life back together.

That changed when someone told me I was smooching off my mother.

I know myself. I know my only flaw is that I am unemployed, not using my mother, as well to do folks would love to assume since I am considered a millenial. But I thought of my age, 26, and the fact that I still have an English degree that could be of use.

I thought of the more fights I’m beginning to have with my mom even though I reaplied to go back to school.

So, despite being set for school, I decided not to go back. My mom looked relieved, even though she advised me to go in the first place.  I knew that me going to school would not have helped our relationship and I was okay with it.

I understood that I needed to leave the nest.

So, I’m still looking for work…

I tried the coding thing to see where I was headed. It’s great, but I know that I will only see it as an addition to writing, not neecessarily a career option. When I do it, I just have a bad feeling that I am wasting alot of time. And though it is great, I feel like having the ability takes a bit of patience.

Software engineering requires laser eyed focus for a year or two, and though I enjoy it, I know that the urge to find a job is greater than switching careers to software engineering. Being out of work isn’t so relaxing, but I try not to feel so much pressure.

I apply and ignore condescending people who think I’m expecting so much by applying to a few good places once in a while, depite  already applying to several retail jobs. I contacted my local library to inquire about volunteering for a few days.

The biggest accomplishments I made so far…

Even though it’s difficult now, I’m glad I’m still hopeful.

  1. I got myself another interview for a sales associate position.
  2. Getting used to New York. I’m across the border in New Jersey and rely on a bus and the Path to get to New York. I took a few days to walk around NYC, visit the Strand bookstore and a Women Who Code event. I stayed a few hours at the New York Public library and just enjoyed the silence.
  3. I finally understand that I cannot keep listening to others’ version of how to be successful. I’m truly exhausted and I see that because I listened to others so much, I made so many mistakes that cost me. I cannot listen to others anymore. I have to begin learning how to listen to myself.
  4. Knowing that I will never succeed if I pretend.
  5. Beginning to like myself for who I am, not what others say I need to be.

 

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